An Open Letter To Tatum

I’ve never truly celebrated Father’s Day. It was always a day that I never got excited about, because for 15 years of my early childhood and teenage years, my father was in prison. Therefore, I never looked forward to this day. Father’s Day was stressful, and even into my early adult years seeing my friends who had awesome fathers was a struggle. I was beyond happy for my friends and their fathers, but it honestly did not make the day any easier. I spent a lot of time striving and looking up to close friends’ fathers and wishing that I had those same experiences and opportunities to connect, smile, laugh, and spend time with mine. As I got older and as the years passed, this day became more and more irrelevant to my life.

September 19th, 2019. Your mom gave birth to the best gift in the world. All 7 pounds and 7 ounces of pure innocence and joy. I waited so patiently for you. For nine months, I always wondered how you would look and whose mannerisms you would acquire. I prayed daily that we would have a healthy baby, and that your mom was safe and always felt comfortable, healthy, and confident during her pregnancy. The truth is, Tatum, I was scared. Scared that I may let you down, scared to let your mom down, and scared that I wouldn’t be everything I needed to be for you both. I felt like I needed to work in hyperdrive to bring more to the table and to ensure you were taken care of to the highest degree. I took only three weeks off from work to be with you during your first three weeks of life, and I learned from this lesson. You didn’t need me to work harder within my career. You needed and still need my time.

Bringing you into this world was a blessing. You, like all kids, did not ask to be here, yet your mother and I created you out of love. I owe you protection, warmth, love, shelter, food, and I must provide for you. I learned that part of me providing is offering my time. You continue to teach me patience. There are times you get frustrated, and I am unsure what it is or what you may need, but your innocence is a reminder that I have to remain patient to understand you and your needs better.

I love you immensely, and you have changed Father’s Day forever for me. You make my life so much easier. I dreamed of you during times I felt broken and alone. During certain times, there was the void of my father not being there. I remember praying that I would never make anyone feel that same pain I once felt while my father was locked up in prison. I will never make you feel alone, and I will never leave you. Every day I feel your love. I experience the joy when you first wake up and smile at my presence. You make me work to learn more about myself and my parenting skills. You force me to show up and to be a better father to you and a better husband to your mom. You are a beautiful being, and it is my goal this Father’s Day and every day that you feel loved and that your innocence stay whole. That is  what I owe to you, and that is what I promise to you.

So, this Father’s Day, I want to thank you for easing my pain and turning a day that was once lost and avoided into a day of joy and love that I can share with you for the rest of my life. There are a few things I would like to promise you:

·      I will always love you no matter what

·      You will always have my undivided attention and time whenever you need or want it

·      I will always put you before myself

·      I will continue to work at getting better for you and your mother daily

·      I will always strive to be the best father for you every single day

·      I will listen to you

·      I will teach you how to lead, and then I will follow

·      I will be patient, I will not yell at you, and I will not hurt you

·      I will love you and your mother more than the world

You are loved dearly, and you will always be loved. Thank you for allowing me an opportunity to share my first Father’s Day with you, and I pray many more. I love you baby bear.