My Hair Journey

When I was younger, I can remember spending all day in the beauty salon with my sister getting our hair done. We both got relaxers and our hair was styled to perfection by Ms. Tonya on a regular basis. I can literally still remember the feeling of my scalp tingling as the relaxer set in. We both had very long hair and I’m sure it was more than a handful for my dad to manage. 

Even with a relaxer, my hair still had a very defined curl pattern to it. When I began my studies at Spelman College, it was the first time I realized that I didn’t need a relaxer at all and I never got one again. Freshman year, I was surrounded by beautiful Black women with every type of hair type and texture you can imagine. Spelman was a place that felt very comfortable for me, so I wore my hair curly, straight, up, down, and tried whatever I wanted. I was in a few hair shows where my hair was dyed with various colors, I got interesting haircuts and experimented without the fear of being judged. 

Luckily, my hair grows very fast. I would let my hair grow down my back, then cut it all off and start over with no reservations. I’ve done that a few times in my life and never looked back. My college years were full of experimenting and being carefree with my hair choices. 

When I got to dental school, it didn’t leave a lot of extra time to focus on my hair but I continued to do the same with straight and curly styles. I was noticing my curl pattern wasn’t as consistent as I wanted and recognized that I had a lot of heat damage. I was faced with making a decision to either commit to straight or curly hair, and that was tough because I truly enjoy wearing my hair both ways. 

My sister did a “big chop” and cut off all her damaged hair shortly before I did. I knew if she could do it, so could I. I let my hair grow down my back for my wedding in 2016, then I decided to take the leap myself. I cut my hair up to my shoulders just a few months after the wedding, and finally got my “curly cut” in April of 2017. I knew there was no turning back after this and I may face an awkward phase while I let things grow out. I was so nervous about how it would look, what people would think, how Ben would react and so many things that ended up not being important. 

I felt like my hair was always a portion of what defined me and I was uncomfortable with the unknown. I was finishing my residency at the time and luckily transitioned through my awkward phase while I was in school with not a lot going on. I spent that time trying countless products and finding out what worked best for my hair.

I became more comfortable with my curls and figured out what worked for me. I had to be disciplined and resist causing heat damage, so I didn’t straighten my hair for over a year. I finally realized I could safely straighten my hair on occasion without causing damage, which was a relief to me. Two to three times a year I will straighten it and I’m always surprised by how much it grows when it isn’t being continuously damaged. 

Once I began my career as an Orthodontist I was really torn, for no reason at all, about what was deemed “professional.” I interviewed for jobs with my hair curly so there were no surprises down the road. When I joined my new practice this year, I had real thoughts about what would be deemed acceptable, given that I am the only Black doctor in the practice. I was intentional about taking photos for our website with my hair curly and straight, because that is a true representation of my style.

The COVID-19 pandemic has changed that completely and now my hair is covered every day at work. Most of the time it’s back in a low bun, which is such a bummer for me. I miss the flexibility of playing with different styles and letting my hair be free, but I look forward to the weekends for that now. 

It’s truly a shame that so many of us have to second guess what is deemed “professional” when it comes to our hair. Discrimination is real, judgement is real, and it’s another layer of bias that we have to deal with as Black women. As more women embrace their hair, in whatever style they choose, we will continue to see this stigma change.

I had to make a decision to fully embrace my hair and show up how I feel comfortable. Whether that be a high bun, a huge afro full of hair or straight down my back, that’s what you’re going to get. I refuse to hold back anymore or change my comfort level to fit into societal standards that weren’t even built for people like me. I want young Black girls that come to see me, see curly hair that they can relate to and find comfort in that. Representation matters in all forms. 

I encourage you to show up how you feel comfortable and make that your new normal. For far too long, I admittedly was worried about superficial things that truly don’t matter at the end of the day. I am most productive and successful when I feel comfortable and a true representation of myself. Be you, they’ll adjust!

Oh… and if you see one of your sisters out in public and you love her hair, go ahead and tell her it’s beautiful. She just may need to hear it!