Lean into & Learn from Rejection
I’ve dealt with rejection my entire life; it sucks, but I’ve learned to lean into it and learn from it over time. My life has been challenging and has transitioned through peaks and valleys. However, I look back to my childhood elements and continue to remember that there is almost nothing more complicated than making it through poverty and many other adversities we faced as a family. Being rejected has only added to my drive and my determination to get better every single day.
I applied to Morehouse my junior year of college, intending to be early accepted. I figured I had a strong story and decent grades, so why not give it a shot. After applying, a few months go by, and I receive a rejection letter in the mail, which defeated me. I was 16 at the time, and I knew my calling was to move to Atlanta to attend Morehouse College. When I opened that letter, I cried. I felt like I would be stuck and trapped in poverty forever and that my back was still against the wall. I gave it an hour to feel bad for myself, and then I picked myself and got after it. I began developing a plan, which included writing a detailed letter that laid out my characteristics, goals, and commitment to excellence. I had several mentors review and edit changes to this letter; I then mailed it off. I put my all into that letter and prayed. Within that same month, I received a phone call from a dean at Morehouse who invited me to come and spend a summer at the pre-freshman summer program as a rising senior in college. He mentioned that if I could keep up with students who were a year ahead of me in school, I would prove I deserved an acceptance letter. I didn’t have money for a plane ticket, food, or living expenses, but I still knew I would attend this program after scraping money together from almost everyone in my family. I finished the program with all A’s. I went back to Wisconsin to finish my high-school senior with an acceptance letter and a scholarship award letter to attend Morehouse the next year post-high school graduation.
Later in life, I also received rejection letters while applying for grad school. Even though I finished college with honors, my GMAT and GRE scores did not suffice for the programs I wanted to attend. Receiving these rejection letters, I yet again found myself suffering in silence. I had a strong resume and a strong consulting background, yet here I was being told no. After feeling bad for myself, I instantly got back on my horse and started looking into virtual GRE training courses that would allow me to work and take the virtual training at my convenience. I had to balance a travel schedule of four flights a week for work, my relationship with India, and stepping into GRE training. I was exhausted, but I did not have a choice.
I was determined to go to graduate school and continue with my personal and professional development, which meant I had to push myself. I wasn’t going to let another rejection letter stop my pursuit of happiness. That next year I wrote letters to every dean of admissions for each program where I applied. The note was detailed, personal, and filled with research and learnings that I found out about their program and them personally. I shared my life journey with them. I also shared how I had taken a GRE training course this past year and increased my score. I asked for their time. I knew if I could meet these individuals in person, then my passion, drive, and determination would come flowing out of my body. Within that same application cycle, I was accepted into my top program, and to this day, I continue to have a healthy, trusted partnership with the dean of the program. I went from being denied into this program to being invited back to speak there and connect with students at least twice a year. I also finished this program with a 3.97 GPA.
Being brutally honest, I was rejected by India when I was first interested in dating her. She had an on and off again boyfriend that I felt like was always in the way. I remember during her 21st birthday dinner seeing pictures of her ex-boyfriend at this dinner with her family. I had a choice, to either move on and leave her alone forever or to double down in pursuing my goal of being with her and building something beautiful together. I laugh at it now, but back then, my ego was deflated. I stayed true to my goals and my vision. If we worked together and remained faithful to each other, we could conquer any goals we set out to do. Eleven years later, we are married, with a special baby girl, and healthy careers.
Earlier in my career, I interviewed for a Business Consultant role at Chick-fil-A inc. I interviewed for roughly ten months. I remember going through the process and feeling confident while doing so. I made it to finals to be told no. I was called that next day after my final rounds of interviews and was told that it was a “no” for right now and not forever. I found myself defeated again. I felt like Chick-fil-A’s values aligned with my own and that it was a place I could call home. I didn’t feel bad for myself; I knew I needed to get better. I spent the next six years of my career, adding to my resume, adding to my experience, and getting better. I felt like part of my calling was working at Chick-fil-A, yet I needed to present the best version of myself, and I wasn’t ready at 24. At 32, I am an Operations Lead supporting 30+ of our restaurants and partnering with our Owner/Operators to help the business achieve its goals.
I did not only learn from my rejections. I learned from my wife’s as well. We were early in dating when she found out that she did not get accepted into the dental school program that she wanted to attend. I watched her for a year hunker down continue to work with her dad to increase her skills and learn more about the dental field. She was accepted the next year into the very same program she was denied the year before. India went into dental school with something to prove, not to anyone else other than herself. I watched her study, color-code notes, shush me, and compartmentalize time with me and her studies. She was disciplined and working towards accomplishing her goals. She finished top 5 in her program and was the second black person to be accepted into her residency program post-dental school graduation.
Rejection never feels good; it can make you feel lesser than your peers. I work hard to lean into rejection because my life has been filled with it. I learn from my past missteps and take that learned knowledge and apply it to a tweaked strategy to get better and to allow myself an opportunity to get closer to my goals. I don’t allow rejection to defeat me. I take my moment to be empathetic internally, and then I get back after it. No one other than ourselves can stop us from achieving what we set out to do. Prove to yourself and those closest to you that you are who you set out to be. Lean into and learn from rejection. You never know where it will take you someday.