Pregnancy, Motherhood and Adapting

I still remember the feeling I had when I thought to myself, “I should probably take a pregnancy test.” Ben and I were getting ready to have dinner with some friends and go out for the night at MJQ, a local Atlanta bar that is known to get a little hot, sweaty, and absolutely involves dancing the night away. Ben went to the store to get some mixers, and I just knew I had to take this test before going out. When Ben returned from the store, I had some exciting news to share with him. I told him I took a test, and it was positive. We both smiled, paused for a moment and said, “Well, I guess we aren’t going to MJQ tonight.”

We had been planning for this so it wasn’t a huge surprise, but still a surprise none the less. I was extremely excited and couldn’t wait for our first ultrasound appointment. We found out we were having a girl pretty early in my pregnancy, which put my excitement over the top. I had what I consider to be a very easy and straightforward pregnancy, thankfully. I didn’t experience any morning sickness, and I feel bad even typing that knowing how debilitating this can be for some women. I do have a family history of blood clots, so I was prophylactically placed on a blood thinner which required giving myself a shot in the abdomen every single night of my pregnancy. It was not a fun experience by any means, but it was what had to be done to keep both me and the baby safe. Aside from that, I didn’t experience many other negative effects other than the occasional fatigue.

We had our birth plan ready and we were rocking and rolling through the pregnancy. As time kept progressing, and we went for additional ultrasounds, we found out the baby was turned the wrong way and was in a head-up position. There was still hope that she could flip around, but as we kept approaching the due date and she was still Breech, we ended up having to schedule a c-section. This initially was really hard for me to digest. I was totally freaked out by the idea of having a c-section while I had been on blood thinners. Every fear I had and every worry all came together and I was a wreck just thinking about it. It was completely opposite of what we had planned, but I had to realize this was the safest way for her to enter the world. After a few days of reflection and thought I was able to wrap my mind around our new plan, keeping our safety at the top of my mind. In the end it actually ended up working out better for me, since I am a huge planner. We had a date scheduled, we could let family know when to arrive, and some of the worries of traditional labor were out of the way. We showed up to the hospital 3 hours before our scheduled time and met our sweet baby Tatum shortly after.

The first few weeks were hard, as expected. Like, really hard. I was full of literally every emotion possible and cried happy, sad and scared tears every day for the first 2 weeks, at least. It is all somewhat of a blur now, but we made it through by taking things one day at a time, sometimes even one hour at a time. I kept having to remind myself I was made to do this and God chose me to be Tatum’s mother for a reason. Ben was incredible and very supportive every step of the way. He handled dinner plans every single day, and still continues to make dinner majority of the nights, even now. My sister, Ashley, took time away from her family to come across the country and help us out for a few weeks, which I will forever be grateful for. We were really able to get through the tough times with our close village and family in town.

The best advice we were given prior to having Tatum was to not take advice from everyone. All the books in the world and all the advice is helpful, but each child is different. Each household is different and each parent is different. We really had to learn our own ways, our own patterns, and get into the groove of parenthood in our own way, day by day. We incorporated helpful hints and advice where they were appropriate, and we figured out our own way for other things. Parenting is an evolving journey that requires flexibility. It is definitely easier said than done, but try to remaining flexible and remember your purpose.

To all my mamas out there, hang in there. You are doing amazing and you are doing the best you can. Mom-shaming is an unfortunate thing and it’s very easy to get caught up in what other moms are doing and how you and your kids compare. Do what works best for you and your family. Ask for help when you need it. Shelter yourself and your family from negativity. Share your emotions and fears with those close to you that can offer assistance. You were made for this, literally. You nurtured this amazing life for 9 months and you have made it this far. Continue to love on your precious babies and they will feel your love. They won’t remember all of the small details that we worry about from day to day, but they will remember the love you gave them. We will never have it all figured out, and I think once we accept that, we can move forward in our own way. Let’s continue to support and uplift each other, rather than compare and criticize. Lean into your support systems and keep your head up. When things get tough, remember the hard times don’t last forever. Our love lasts forever.